


You Never Even Looked At Me

by leevijaeger



Category: Super Junior
Genre: College AU, F/M, M/M, idk what i would even tag this as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 11:42:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2466989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leevijaeger/pseuds/leevijaeger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyuhyun and Siwon have been the best of friends ever since Kyuhyun's second year in middle school. Now in college, Kyuhyun starts to feel a little more towards his closest friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of this planned out already and I'm super duper excited to share this lovely experience with you.

Cho Kyuhyun and Choi Siwon have been friends for the longest time. In fact, Kyuhyun could still remember when he met Siwon. It was his choir class and it was conjoined grades and out of all three grades, Kyuhyun was still the only boy in the entire class. But even then, it didn't stop him from singing the loudest. Then, one fateful day, a boy in ninth grade transferred from another school and entered Kyuhyun’s choir group. Out of the fact that they were the only two boys, they quickly became friends. 

Kyuhyun was now in his second year of university while it was Siwon’s last. Currently, Kyuhyun walked in the crisp autumn air with a bag around his shoulder. He sighed and looked at the large apartment complex and thought of the piles of homework he had waiting for him at home. When he walked in, he saw that Siwon was sitting in his usual corner where his desk was, scribbling fervently on a piece of paper. 

“Welcome home!” Siwon smiled. 

“What are you up to?” He asked, throwing his bag to the side and untying his shoes. “All you did this week was brag that you didn't have homework, don't tell me that your professors went back on their promise.” 

“No, they didn’t.” Siwon looked up and smiled at him with his glasses perched on his nose, “This is your homework.” 

“Wait what?!” Kyuhyun walked over to see that Siwon was in fact writing and doing his English homework. 

“Honestly Kyu, the pile was toppling over your desk.” 

“I was planning to do it this weekend!” 

“You can’t. We have plans this weekend.” 

Kyuhyun scoffed, “We?”

“Yes. As in you and me, Heechul-Hyung is throwing-”

“I really don't want to go to Hyung’s party...thanks though.”

“Why not? That’s the party you found out you were-”

“Yeah. I know.” Kyuhyun interrupted him and tried to blink away the memories of waking up drunk next to a naked Donghae. Though he was sure it was a fun time, he and Donghae couldn't keep up a normal conversation for months. 

“Why do you always make me stop talking before I say you're gay?”

“It’s not something I'm used to, I guess.” 

“What? You don't like cock up your ass?” Siwon asked with a grin, a pencil in between his teeth as he wiggled his eyebrows up and down. 

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, “You're not supposed to say things like that. What kind of Christian are you?” 

“A liberal one.” He smiled, “I go to church every Sunday to ask for forgiveness of the stupid things I say. You should try coming with me one day.” 

“Being gay is a sin, what if I go in and I burn?” 

Siwon scoffed, “Yeah right. I know several gay people that go to church.”

“Name five.” 

Siwon did so and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes again, “Whatever. It doesn't count.” 

“It totally counts. Get to your homework already, we've got a party to attend to.” 

With a groan, Kyuhyun sat in his own desk across from Siwon’s and did his math homework. 

\\\

At approximately six pm, Kyuhyun had given up on his homework and left to take a nap. When he woke up again at ten pm, he saw noticed that he was alone and that Siwon was long gone. He sighed and looked at the pile of homework and decided to do laundry before he would actually try his homework again. 

After two hours of shoving jeans into the dryer, he heard giggling and stumbling. Kyuhyun looked up at the clock and saw that Siwon was home a lot earlier than usual. He made his way to the living room to see that Jungsoo and Hyuk-Jae were setting the drunk Siwon on the couch. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Kyuhyun asked. 

“Heechul poured hard liquor down his throat. He’s a little drunker than usual.” Jungsoo sighed. 

“We think he'll be okay. He’ll just puke a lot.” 

“I'm used to that much.” Kyuhyun sighed, leaning in front of Siwon and slapping his cheek, “Eh, Siwon, what day is it?”

“Um,” Siwon giggled and threw his head back, “I met a pretty girl, Kyu.”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, “He’s fine. I’ve got it, thank you.”

“You know, we should really start charging for this.” Hyuk-Jae said, his voice and Jung Soo’s laugh fading in the distance. 

“Kyuhyunah.”

“Ne?” 

“I’m hungry.” 

“You're not eating. It won’t stay in your stomach for long if you do.” 

“Fine. I'll make my own food.”

Kyuhyun raised his hands in defense, “By all means, be my guest.” 

He sat down on the couch and watched as Siwon shakily got up from the couch. He watched him stumbled and hold on to things and eventually disappear in the kitchen. Not two seconds after, there was a loud crash and the sound of pots falling on to the floor filled the room. Kyuhyun winced. 

“Kyuhyunaaah…” Siwon groaned, “Help.” 

Kyuhyun couldn't help but to laugh as he got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen to see Siwon curled on the floor. 

“I messed up, Kyu.” Siwon mumbled in the floor. 

“I can tell,” He smiled, “Are you sleepy?” 

Siwon nodded, “I’m gonna sleep on the floor tonight.”

“Will you be comfortable?” 

“Probably not.”

“Want me to bring you your sheets?”

“Yes please.” 

“And a pillow?”

“Uh-huh.”

Kyuhyun nodded and made his way to Siwon’s incredibly clean bedroom, where he grabbed a pillow and stripped the sheets off the bed. He walked back to the kitchen and dropped the sheets on top of Siwon, who smiled and curled in his warm sheets. 

“You’re the best, Kyu. I love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Now you know the drill, sleep on your-”

“On my side so I don’t drown or choke on my vomit. I ‘member.”

“Good.” Kyuhyun put Siwon’s bucket next to him, “Here’s your trusty bucket.”

“Hello friend.” He smiled, putting an arm around the blue plastic bucket, “Goodnight Kyu.” 

“Goodnight, you drunk.” Kyuhyun smiled at him as well, getting up from his crouching position to return to his messy room. 

\\\

Siwon woke up that morning to a painful headache and to the sound of pots clashing against each other. He groaned and sat up in his blankets to see Kyuhyun was the one making the noise. 

“What are you doing?” He groaned, rubbing his eyes and then putting his hands over his ears. 

“Making breakfast.” Kyuhyun grinned. 

“You’re not making breakfast, you're just annoying me.”

“That’s what you get for ditching me last night to a party I told you would be a bad idea.” 

“It wasn't that fun, I shouldn't have gone. 

“I beg to differ, you told me you met a pretty girl.”

“I was drunk, Kyu. She probably had three eyes.” 

“I think you might still be drunk.”

“Probably.” He laughed as he leaned against the kitchen counter. “It really wasn't that fun.”

“Why is that?”

“Because you weren't there.” Siwon said sincerely, a smile on his face.

Kyuhyun felt his throat tighten and his cheeks burn, before Siwon could say anything else, he clashed the pots again. 

“Stop that!” Siwon groaned as he covered his ears again. Kyuhyun continued to slam them together until he was in the bathroom and far from Siwon. 

He stared at himself in the mirror and looked at his flushed cheeks with concern. Kyuhyun patted his cheeks and felt the warmth radiating from them and frowned. He splashed water on his face several times to cool himself down before Siwon knocked on the door. 

“Kyuhyunah, are you done in there? The liquor is catching up to me.”

Kyuhyun opened the door and Siwon gave him a concerned look, “You okay?” 

He rolled his eyes , “I could ask the same about you. You’re green.”

“And you’re red. We're ready for Christmas!” 

Kyuhyun shoved the bigger man in the bathroom, “Shut up, you're still incredibly drunk.


	2. Chapter Two

After Kyuhyun had left Siwon, he left in his car to buy breakfast for the two of them considering that Siwon was in no condition to cook and that Kyuhyun couldn't cook to save his life. As he drove through the small streets and roads to the nearest restaurant, he saw Donghae and Hyuk-Jae walking. He quickly turned his head and rolled up his windows before they could see him, but it was too late, they called out for him and he had to pull the car over. 

“What do you freeloaders want?” Kyuhyun sighed, rolling his window back down. 

“A ride.” Donghae smiled. 

“Where to?”

“To get breakfast.”

“Fine. Get in.”

“Where are you off to so early, Kyu?” Donghae asked, getting in the passenger seat. 

“To get breakfast as well. Siwon is hungover and he needs food in his stomach.” 

“He’s fucked up, isn't he?” Hyuk-Jae laughed from the back, “Hae, you should've been there.” 

“I would've gone if it weren't for the anatomy homework I had.” Donghae sighed before looking at Kyuhyun, “Can I put my feet up?”

“If you want to get your ass kicked.”

“Why are you so feisty?” He asked, the smile still on his face as he put his feet up anyway. Kyuhyun returned his smile, “Because I know you wouldn't have me any other way.”

“I hate when you’re right.”

In the back, Hyuk-Jae looked between his two friends with a strange face and began to make gagging noises. Kyuhyun suddenly hit the brakes and made Hyuk-Jae lunge forward and hit his face on the back of Donghae’s seat. 

“Seatbelt.” Kyuhyun said with a smile. 

 

The three gathered food from a local restaurant not far from Kyuhyun and Siwon’s apartment. Even though it was a short drive, it didn’t stop the two animals from eating in the car anyway much to Kyuhyun’s dismay. 

“Don't eat in my car.” Kyuhyun whined, shoving Donghae’s shoulder. 

“I’m hungry!” He defended, his mouth full of food. 

All Kyuhyun could do was groan again and pull into the parking lot. In spite of them eating in his car, he left them with all the bags of food and made his own way to the apartment. Hyuk-Jae struggled more than Donghae and he looked at Kyuhyun with an exasperated look.

“Don’t mind me! I’m just peachy.” He yelled. 

“Good!” Kyuhyun yelled from the top of the stairs, unlocking the door and leaving it open for the others. When he walked in, he saw that Siwon was laying on his stomach in his pajamas, sleeping while the TV droned on and on. 

“Hey.” Kyuhyun patted his butt which made Siwon wake up instantly, “I’ve got breakfast. Donghae and Hyuk-Hyung are also here too.”

“Are they?” He yawned, rubbing his eyes as he sat up from the ouch.

“We have breakfast!” Hyuk-Jae yelled, causing Siwon to wince.

“I know.” Siwon got up from the couch and walked to the small dining area, looking through the boxes and searching for his, “This one is mine, right?”

“No one else likes their eggs like that you freak.” Hyuk-Jae sniggered, bits of egg falling out of his mouth. Siwon smacked the back of his head and sat down to eat.

“What’re you eating, Kyu?” Donghae asked, a fork in between his teeth. 

“Fruit. Why?” 

“You spent ten thousand won on fruits?”

“No. I have these cakes too.”

“So, for ten thousand won, you got fruits and two cute little cakes?”

“Is there a problem, Hyung?” Kyuhyun asked, his eyebrow raised. 

Donghae saw that Kyuhyun’s lips were red from the strawberries. He smiled and licked his bottom lip before looking up at Kyuhyun, “Not at all.”

Siwon and Hyuk-Jae exchanged looks with each other. While Hyuk-Jae’s read more along the lines of , _how cute is that?_ Siwon’s expression read more along the lines of _I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all._

 

Donghae didn't end up leaving after breakfast like Hyuk-Jae did. In fact, he stayed throughout the entire day. He helped clean with Kyuhyun, he watched TV with Kyuhyun, he ate lunch with Kyuhyun, and he even stayed for dinner with Kyuhyun. Siwon had to admit that he was a little miffed considering that he and Kyu had plans for today, but because of Donghae, they would have to be rescheduled until next Saturday.

“So, Siwon is going to be gone all morning tomorrow?” Donghae asked, throwing a ball in the air. 

“Ne, why?” 

“We could do something while he’s gone.” 

“Yeah? Like what?”

Donghae shrugged, “Whatever really.”

“I don’t want to do much, I want to stay home.”

“That’s cool too.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I was going to stay home too actually.”

“Come over then and we can be lazy tomorrow.” Kyuhyun smiled.

“Sounds like a plan.” Donghae beamed.

“So you're leaving now then?”

“Yeah.” He stood up from Kyuhyun’s bed and stretched. Suddenly, Kyuhyun remembered that night when Donghae stretched in front of him naked. He quickly shook the memory from his head before putting his attention back to talking Donghae.

“...you tomorrow?”

“Hm?”

“See you tomorrow?”

“Oh yeah. Right, tomorrow.”

Donghae smiled and tossed the ball at him before walking out the door. He saw Siwon sitting on the couch reading with his glasses on his nose, so he lifted his hand and said, “See you, Hyung.” 

“About time.” Siwon said with a joking smile. When in reality, he was glad and anxious for Donghae to leave. “Need a ride?”

“Nah. I’ll take the bus, thanks though. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Once Donghae left, Siwon got up from the couch and walked to Kyuhyun’s room to see that he was getting ready to go to sleep.

“What’s up, Grandpa?” Kyuhyun smiled, pulling his pajama shirt over his head. 

“Are you and Donghae....together?”

“No. Why?”

“You guys looked comfy.”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, “If I got comfy with Hyuk would you think the same thing?”

“Well...I mean-”

“Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I have feelings for all of my friends, Siwon.” 

“Right. Duh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s to be expected.” Kyuhyun smiled.

“What’s to be expected?”

“Heterosexual ignorance.”

Siwon rolled his eyes before leaving his room, “Goodnight.” 

“‘Night.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where it gets a little...rated M-ish.

Siwon woke up bright and early Sunday morning with a smile on his face. He walked to the bathroom, and began his process to go to church. He took a shower, shaved, combed his hair and put his best white shirt and black slacks on. He made breakfast for himself and ate it as he made breakfast for the sleeping Kyuhyun. Once he was finished, he walked to Kyuhyun’s room to wake him up, he shook his shoulder but Kyuhyun only groaned and swatted his arm. 

“Kyuhyun. Kyu, wake up.” 

“Why? Go to church by yourself.” He mumbled in his pillow.

Siwon scoffed and thumped his head, “I am. I just wanted to say bye.” 

“Adios.” 

“Breakfast is on the stove. Just heat it up.”

“Thank you. Bye now.” Kyuhyun rolled on his side so that his back was to Siwon. With a roll of his eyes, Siwon got off of Kyuhyun’s bed and walked out the door. 

Kyuhyun had slept for a total of twenty more minutes before there was a loud knock and then repetitive doorbell ringing. He groaned and rolled out of bed to answer the door. There, Donghae was standing at the door with a smile on his face. He invited himself in before Kyuhyun could say anything and he sat on the couch.

“Siwon Hyung already left?” 

“Yeah. He left like, two hours ago.” Kyuhyun yawned, heating up his cold food. 

“How long is gone for?” Donghae asked. He got up from his place on the couch and walked to kitchen, resting against the counter. 

“Depends. Sometimes he preaches, sometimes he stays for discussion and other days he just comes home right after.” 

Donghae hummed and tapped a pensive finger to chin. Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow and put his now warm food on his plate, “Why are you asking?” 

“‘Cause I’ve got a crazy idea.” Donghae smiled.

Kyuhyun’s stomach flipped when he saw Donghae walked closer towards him. “And what would that be?”

Donghae made sure the stove was off before he pressed his lips to Kyuhyun’s. Kyuhyun sighed and kissed him back, forgetting about the food that Siwon made for him. 

“So this a yes to my crazy idea?” Donghae asked with a smile. Kyuhyun smiled at him and continued to kiss him. 

The two turned into a giggling mess as they began to pull the clothing off their bodies. 

“You’re not drunk are you?” Kyuhyun asked. 

Donghae smiled and kissed his neck and began leaving marks behind, “Not at all. I'm glad I'm not so I can savor this.” 

Kyuhyun laughed and threw his neck back to give Donghae more room. Donghae pressed Kyuhyun on the bed and sucked and bit his way down his neck and chest, stopping at the waistband of his boxers and playfully pulling at them with his teeth. Kyuhyun ran his fingers through Donghae’s soft raven hair and tugged on it gently. Eventually, after pressing his lips on Kyuhyun’s boxer clad cock, he pulled down the fabric and took Kyuhyun in his mouth. 

“Hae...” Kyuhyun moaned, accidentally bucking his hips. Donghae pulled him out of his mouth with an obnoxious pop before pressing sloppy kisses up his stomach and to his neck. 

“I'm going to take a wild guess and say you don't have lube." 

Kyuhyun’s face turned bright red when he realized that he didn’t. Donghae smiled and pressed a kiss to his jawline. 

“It’s fine. Here, I have a better idea.” Donghae put his index and middle finger on Kyuhyun’s red lips and softly ordered him to suck. Kyuhyun did so, running his hot tongue all around his fingers. Donghae groaned at the sight and pulled them out of his mouth only to press them inside of Kyuhyun’s tight entrance. 

“God, I was such an idiot to be drunk doing this.” Kyuhyun moaned, pushing himself on to Donghae’s fingers.

“Why do you say that?” Donghae asked, his lips finding Kyuhyun’s. 

“Can’t appreciate this when you don’t remember it.” Kyuhyun smiled, taking Donghae’s bottom lip in between his lip. 

Donghae smiled and pulled his fingers out of Kyuhyun, earning a whine from Kyuhyun. “Just wait a second,” he laughed, “Do you think you’re ready?”

“Been ready.” 

“Someone’s a little eager.” Donghae grinned, pulling off his own boxers and revealing his own cock to Kyuhyun. 

“That’s...that’s a little bit bigger than I remember.” Kyuhyun mumbled.

Donghae pressed his lips to his and kissed him sweetly this time, “You took it like a champ last time.”

“Oh God.” Kyuhyun moaned when he felt Donghae enter him, it was slow paced at first but the pace soon began to increase once Kyuhyun began to get more vocal. 

“Shit- oh fuck, Hae.” He gasped, feeling Donghae put him on his hands and knees. 

“Something wrong?”

“If you don’t go faster I’m going to rip- ah!” 

“Is that to your liking?” He asked with a grin, pressing wet kisses on his back. 

“Harder.”

Donghae’s smile widened as he hooked his arms under Kyuhyun’s armpits, pulling him in so that each thrust was deeper than the last. It drove Kyuhyun insane, and with every thrust, he became louder. 

 

Siwon had unlocked the door and walked in the apartment right in the middle of Kyuhyun and Donghae’s heated session. He saw that the food he made for Kyuhyun was untouched and not only that, he heard the bed thumping and the yells coming from the half closed door. 

“Fuck Donghae! Right there!” There came more inaudible moans and yellings that only made Siwon raise an eyebrow and walk closer to the half closed door. Inside the little crack, Siwon saw that Donghae’s arms were wrapped around Kyuhyun’s small body, thrusting in him mercilessly. Donghae’s hair was sticking to his face and Kyuhyun’s hair tousled. Siwon watched as Donghae took Kyuhyun’s cock in his hands and pumped it at the same rate he was slamming into Kyuhyun. 

“Fuck me, Hae!” Kyuhyun moaned, “Fuck me like you mean it. _Fuck me like I’m yours._ ”

Donghae groaned at the words and leaned to say something inaudible to Siwon in Kyuhyun’s ear. It was being said aggressively and with each word, Kyuhyun moaned louder. Suddenly, Kyuhyun let out a loud yelp and threw his head back. His breathing became heavy. his back arched and his toes curled, he let go of Donghae’s hair only to grip the sheets so tight, that his knuckles turned white. 

“Oh fuck, oh fuck- Dong...Donghae, oh my...Donghae!” He yelled out, another string of profanities leaving his plump pink lips. 

Siwon saw that Kyuhyun laid there in bliss as Donghae finished up. When they were both finished, they laid next to each other. Kyuhyun had smiled widely and rolled over to continue to kiss Donghae fervently. Donghae smiled and kissed him back, his arms wrapping around his bare back. 

Siwon slowly walked away from the room and swallowed. He leaned against the wall and saw that he was a little excited as well. He groaned to himself quietly and tried his best to take his mind off of it, but he knew that there was no getting rid of it. Kyuhyun then made in an appearance in the kitchen, his eyes wide and looking mortified. 

“Siwon!” 

He quickly covered his erection and looked at Kyuhyun with a pink face, “Uh…”

Thankfully, Kyuhyun hadn't notice. “Did...did you hear…?”

“I did.”

Kyuhyun winced, “How much?”

“Enough.” Siwon cleared his throat, “Don’t worry about it, you’re my best friend. I won’t judge. I’m more upset over the fact that you didn't eat my breakfast.” 

“Well I-”

“I've got to go get something in my room. I’ll be taking a nap so if you, you know, do it, keep it low.” 

“Right.” Kyuhyun swallowed and spun around, “See you…?” He said, not knowing what else to say. 

Siwon smiled and made sure that Kyuhyun was gone before he removed his hands from his groin. He stared at it with a frown.

How was he going to get rid of it now?


	4. Chapter Four

Siwon spent most of the afternoon trying to get rid of his problem. He tried everything but it still remained on his body. He thought that the only way to get rid of it was to pay attention to it. But he wasn’t going to do that, the fact that he got an erection just by watching his best friend get his brains fucked out made him uncomfortable. It also didn’t help that they continued all through the the afternoon, the moaning was quiet but the bed thumping was enough for Siwon to imagine it. He took a deep breath and listened to the rhythmic thumping and tried to think of something else. He tried to think of something gross, something out of the ordinary but he knew that there would only be one way to get rid of it. Siwon sighed and slowly unzipped his pants. 

 

Kyuhyun was laying next to a sleeping Donghae and brushed the hair from his face. Suddenly, he felt his stomach churn and recognized the feeling as regret. He sighed deeply and began to think, was this a good idea? Maybe it was, maybe it was a way of showing Kyuhyun that Donghae would be his first boyfriend, or maybe even, his only boyfriend. The thought of it made Kyuhyun slightly uncomfortable as he sat up and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. He looked at his reflection in his mirror and saw that there were marks and bruises on his chest, neck and anywhere else you’d think. He frowned and made his way to the bathroom to take a shower, as he cleaned himself up, he thought violently and realized that he and Donghae were most likely not the best choice. He thought of pros and cons and noticed that the pros of dating him outnumbered the cons. He turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist. 

Kyuhyun then thought of Siwon. 

 

For a minute, he pretended that it wasn’t weird to think about his best friend in that way. He pretended that Siwon was just as gay as he was and that he might have a chance with him. He quickly thought of the pros and cons and felt his heart sink to his feet when he realized the conss outnumbered the pros. Kyuhyun pulled on the same pair of sweatpants on and made his way back to his room to see Donghae was stirring awake. He saw that Donghae reached for the sheets in front of him and he saw that he frowned when he felt them empty. Kyuhyun sighed and sat down next to him and held his searching fingers with his own. Donghae’s sleepy eyes opened and he gave him a smile that almost made Kyuhyun’s heart flutter.

Almost. 

“Hi.” Donghae smiled. 

Kyuhyun only returned the smile and looked at their intertwined fingers. He heard Donghae shift in bed and look at him with eyes full of concern and sadness.

“You’re regretting this again, aren’t you?” 

Kyuhyun didn’t notice he was crying until he saw a tear fall on the bed sheets. He laughed at himself and used his free hand to wipe them away, “I’m sorry, Donghae. I really, really am.”

“I should’ve expected it really.” He said with a smile, giving their hands a squeeze. “It’s nothing.”

“You sure?” Kyuhyun asked, looking up to see Donghae’s sympathetic smile.

“Yeah. But,” Donghae cleared his throat before continuing, “if you ever need anything, anything at all, just call me. Promise?”

“Promise.” 

“I should get going, I don’t want to ruin your Monday.” 

“You can stay if you want, it’s kind of late.”

“I’ll be okay.” Donghae replied, leaning in and kissing Kyuhyun sweetly, “I’ll see you around?”

“Of course.” Kyuhyun nodded. He watched Donghae get dressed quickly and walk out the door without another word. His stomach felt terrible, so he laid in bed. He frowned when he realized that it smelled too much of Donghae, in fact, his whole room did. Not wanting to stay in it, he walked out and made his way to Siwon’s room. 

He didn’t bother knocking, instead, he just walked in and saw that Siwon was snoring on his bed, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth. Kyuhyun smiled at the sight and climbed into bed next to him, making him scoot over. 

“Kyu?” 

“I’m sleeping here tonight.”

“Why?” Siwon asked, a little bit more awake. 

“Because I had sex with Donghae a total of four times, made him believe that we might’ve had something, and then shut him down.” 

“Um,” He blinked and tried to process the information with his sleepy brain, “Alright?”

“I’ll tell you how much I hate myself in the morning.”

“Alright.” He repeated, yawning out before turning to his side, “Goodnight, Kyuhyun.” 

“Night.” Kyuhyun mumbled. 

But Kyuhyun didn’t sleep that night at all. 

\\\

When the sun finally began to rise, Kyuhyun sat up in bed with his knees tucked under his chin and watched Siwon sleep. He was laying on his back now, and his arm was hanging off the bed. He honestly looked tired. Kyuhyun felt bad that he couldn’t spend the weekend with him like Siwon was excited for, so he was determined to make it up for him today. Kyuhyun looked at the time and saw that it was six thirty, so, he shook Siwon’s shoulder in attempts to wake him up. 

“Whaaat?” He groaned. 

“I think it’s time to wake up.” 

Siwon’s eyes opened slightly and saw the sun was barely up yet, “Kyuhyun it’s too early. We don’t have school today, why are you waking me up?” 

“I want to make it up to you.”

“Make what up to me?”

“The weekend we couldn't have.”

“It’s fine, Kyu, we'll do it next weekend-”

“But I want to do it now.” 

Siwon sighed and rubbed his eyes before looking at Kyuhyun. “Wake me up in four hours.”

“But-”

“Go to sleep or rid your room of Donghae’s smell or whatever it is.”

Kyuhyun frowned and tried to wake up Siwon again, but he was already fast asleep. The last thing he wanted to do to start his day was clean his room, especially if he did something he regretted in it. But, he knew that he had to do it eventually, so, without delaying, he got up from Siwon’s bed and reluctantly walked to his room. 

There was no real mess apart from the bed and the space around it. But even then, he spent five minutes staring at it before he actually started moving. He almost called a maid to clean it for him, but once he saw the dried mess on the sheets, he thought that it might not be a good idea to reveal something that explicit to a poor middle aged woman. As Kyuhyun pulled the sheets of his bed, he tried his best to clear his mind of the scenes from yesterday. Once the sheets had been successfully stripped, he sat in the bed and stared at himself in the mirror again, his attention on the marks. He only frowned at himself and tucked his knees under his chin and stared out into space. 

 

On the other side of the apartment, Siwon was finally starting to wake up. He groaned at the time and lazily rolled off the bed to talk to his friend who seemed upset last night. He walked into Kyuhyun’s room and saw that he was sitting on his bed, his eyes empty. 

Siwon sniffed the room and made a face, “You weren't kidding. It does smell like Donghae in here.” 

“Open the windows.” 

“Don't you want it to smell like your boyfriend in here?” He asked, walking over to open the stiff windows.

“I don’t.” Kyuhyun mumbled, “And Donghae isn't my boyfriend.”

“He’s not?”

“No.”

“Why not? Did you not enjoy yourself?” 

“I did. He was great, he was amazing.” Kyuhyun’s frown deepened as he fell on his side, now curled into a ball, “Donghae’s amazing but he’s…”

“Too amazing?”

“Exactly.”

“Don’t you think you deserve something like that?”

“Not really.” Kyuhyun scoffed, “After the way I treated him, I don't deserve him at all.”

Siwon had to put his hand over his face to try not to roll his eyes at Kyuhyun’s dramatic complaining, “Was it really that bad, Kyuhyunah?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you think you could give it a shot?”

“Nope.”

“Kyuhyun you're being dramatic. Honestly.”

“I am not!” He yelled, sitting up and crossing his arms defensively.

Siwon snorted, “Yeah you are. This isn't some kind of drama, just tell the kid if you're interested or not.”

“I’m not!”

“And you're sure about that?”

“I’m sure. I’m positive. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him!”

“You don't have to, you drama queen. Go on dates, test the waters, and if it doesn’t work out then break up. Who knows, maybe you'll eventually want to spend the rest of your life with him.” 

“It’s not that easy.”

“It really is.”

“We all can't be heartbreakers like you, Choi Siwon.”

“I don’t break hearts. I set them down gently.”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, “That is the biggest pile of bullshit I have ever had the misfortune of hearing.”

Siwon flicked his forehead, “You want something to eat?” 

“Leave me to my misfortune.”

“Whatever, your dramatic highness.” 

Kyuhyun lifted his middle finger up before Siwon left, causing Siwon to laugh.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally didn't post when I was supposed to. But, today I realized that I wasn't going to post one day but post the other. Like skipping days, you know? I figured that'd be a lot easier to read that way. And to give you all a fair warning, there are a few chapters in this that'll seem short. 
> 
> Like really short. 
> 
> sorry.

The next day in class, Kyuhyun walked in his anatomy class to see that the majority of the seats have been taken. He almost groaned when he saw that the only seat he’d actually sit in was the one Donghae’s stuff was on. He looked at the ceiling and cursed out loud before walking towards Donghae. When he reached him, Donghae looked up at him with the same bright eyes and smile he always did, without having to ask, he removed his things from the chair and Kyuhyun reluctantly sat next to him. 

“Hey.” He greeted.

“Hi.” Kyuhyun replied, a small smile on his face. 

For the rest of the two hours and thirty minutes, they said nothing else. But when class ended and Kyuhyun was stuffing his notebooks in his backpack, Donghae spoke again.

“Kyu?”

“Yeah?”

“What are you...doing tonight?”

“Working on this homework.” He said with a smile, “And probably some other assignments I get, why?”

“I mean,” Donghae cleared his throat, “not to be rude or anything, but I saw you struggling with the differences between the hypodermis and the dermis.”

“And stratum lucidum and stratum spinosum.” Kyuhyun laughed.

“Right.” Donghae smiled, “If you want, I could help you out. Maybe with some other work too…?”

“Um,” Kyuhyun quickly tried to find ways to politely decline his offer, “Siwon was talking about he and I doing some weird new thing with homework. I don’t really remember what it was, but if he ends up chickening out, I’ll give you a call. Alright?” 

“That sounds good.” He beamed, “I’ll see you.” 

“Yeah.” Kyuhyun gave him a closed mouth smile, “See you.”

\\\

When Kyuhyun returned home, he saw that Siwon was frantically cleaning the house with a collar shirt on. He raised an eyebrow and stepped into the living room area and jumped when Siwon yelled out.

“Hey! I just vacuumed there!” 

“What...what the hell are you doing? Why are you cleaning?”

“Remember that girl I told you about?”

“The one you met when you were drunk?”

“Precisely her!”

“What about her?”

“She’s coming over.”

“Why?”

“Because Kyuhyun, you’d think she was completely ugly or something because I was drunk but she is the complete and exact opposite.”

“Is that why you’re cleaning?”

“I want her to know we’re clean people.”

“But I’m not.”

“Which is why I’m cleaning!”

Kyuhyun suddenly remembered the crumbs in his pocket, with a grin, he took them out and spread the chip crumbs all over the floor which made Siwon glare at him. “God, Siwon, you suck at cleaning look at all the spots you missed.”

“Are you being serious?”

He only shrugged and stepped in the crumbs to make more, “Oh no! I’m making crumbs and spreading them all around the house!”

“Stop being a little shi-”

The ringing of the doorbell made Siwon’s eyes widen. He quickly turned off the vacuum and wrapped the cord around the machine but by the time he finished putting it away, Kyuhyun had already opened the door. 

The girl was cute, nothing spectacular. But then again, Kyuhyun wasn't exactly all too impressed with any features of the opposite sex. 

“Oh, you’re pretty.” He smiled, cocking his head to the side. He bowed and stepped to the side to make room for the girl to step in. “I’m Kyuhyun, Siwon’s cleaner roommate. I think he’s trying to clean up whatever mess he has, honestly, the man’s a pig-”

“Oh! Hei-Ran, you’re here!” Siwon smiled, suddenly appearing into the room and stepping on Kyuhyun’s feet to make him go away. “Sorry about him, he’s a little mentally-”

“Siwonah, she didn’t introduce herself to me.” He pouted, “Stop speaking and let her finish.”

The girl, who was name they found out smiled shyly and bowed, “Hello, I’m Hei-Ran.”

“It is so lovely to meet you, you know, Siwon thought you had three eyes-”

“Hei-Ran, would you like to study?” Siwon asked, suddenly interrupting his friend. 

She laughed and nodded, “That seems like a great plan.”

Kyuhyun watched as they sat down on the couch and opened their law books. Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and walked to his own room, where he would work on his own homework. 

\\\

After two hours of staring at the layers of the epidermis and listening to the giggles and laughs that came from the living room. Kyuhyun gave up and reached over to grab his phone.

Donghae answered within the second ring, “Hello?”

“I am having the worst time trying to figure out the functions of the stratum corneum.”

“Need help?” He laughed.

“Big time.”

“I could help you over the phone if you want-”

“I don’t really learn that way.” Kyuhyun interrupted, “You could come over for an hour or half an hour, maybe even less if you’re that good of a teacher.”

“I try.”

“Good. I’ll see you in a bit?”

“Uh yeah, sure.”  
Kyuhyun hung up and stared at his mirror again. “Don’t look at me like that.” He told himself. 

 

Ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Siwon looked at it and wondered who it was but once he saw Kyuhyun prancing to open it, he automatically knew. Donghae had walked through the apartment and smiled and bowed at Hei-Ran and waved at Siwon. He didn’t say much else considering that Kyuhyun dragged him and in the room. 

“Who was that?”

“Uh, friend of ours.”

“He looked more of a friend to Kyuhyun to me.”

“Well, he and Donghae have some kind of relationship...thing. I don’t really know, it’s complicated.”

“So Kyuhyun is...gay then?”

“Incredibly.” He smiled. 

“You’re okay with that, considering your religion and all?”

“Well, I mean, yeah. Kyuhyun’s been my friend for years, nothing much really changed when I found out he was gay. ” 

“That’s interesting. Not in a bad way or anything, just never heard a Christian be so open about gay.”

“God doesn’t discriminate or hate, those were things created by the devil.” He smiled, “But enough about that, let’s keep going at it with these equations!”


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a lot to explain
> 
> don't i?
> 
> I am so sorry I thought I would be...you know posting regularly...
> 
> But then, 
> 
> I got distracted with essays
> 
> but now!!
> 
> I will try hard and post again!

After minutes of trying to explain the differences of the layers of the hypodermis, Donghae and Kyuhyun gave up and ended up eating and chatting. 

“Is that girl Siwon’s new girlfriend?”

“I don’t know. Probably.” Kyuhyun snorted, popping a grape in his mouth. 

“You don't like her, do you?”

“Keep in mind, Donghae, that I don't like any girls.” 

“True. Very true.”

Kyuhyun rested his head on Donghae’s lap and looked at his fingernails, “Come to think of it, I don't really like any of Siwon’s girlfriends.”

“Why is that?”

“They're all stupid.”

“That’s a little rude, don't you think?”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and glared at Donghae. “You didn't just ask me that.”

“I know you're not the nicest person, but there has to be one girlfriend of his you liked.”

“Not really. They all sucked up to me.”

“So you don't like them because they tried hard to be your friend?” 

“Exactly. Now that everyone knows I'm gay, they’ll be itching to have me as a friend.” 

Donghae laughed, “Don't think that'll happen.”

“Don’t you know that girls love having a gay friend?” 

“I do know that. But I think that’s more of an American thing than anything.”

Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, “Or, maybe it’s a Korean thing too.” Donghae corrected. 

“Exactly. Maybe she’s a tramp who wants Siwon’s money.” 

“Drastic.”

“Why are you trying to be the voice of reason?”

“Someone has to be.”

Kyuhyun sighed and sat up, “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Homework. Why?”

“Let’s do something tomorrow.”

“On a Wednesday?”

“Live a little.” 

“When you say do something,” Donghae looked at his hands before continuing, “We’re not talking about each other, right?”

Kyuhyun laughed so hard he had to hold on to his stomach, “Right. That’s exactly right.” 

Donghae smiled and scratched the back of his head, “So, we're going out tomorrow?”

“Only if you say yes.” 

“What would we be doing tomorrow?” 

“We'll talk about it tomorrow.” 

“Sounds like a plan. Should we get back to studying now? We only studied for a total of ten minutes.” 

“I would really, really, rather not.” 

“Can you name the layers of the epidermis? From the deepest layer to the superficial layer?”

Kyuhyun blinked at him, “The what?”

Donghae laughed out loud and opened the book to the pink sticky note, “That’s what I thought.” 

\\\

Donghae had left at the same time Hei-Ran left. Kyuhyun had given up on studying and was scribbling in a notebook when Siwon appeared with the biggest smile on his face. Kyuhyun only rolled his eyes.

“If you're going to talk about your girlfriend get out.”

“She’s really great, Kyu.”

“Great. Go away.” 

“Aren't you happy for me?”

“To an extent. Maybe if you didn’t come in here and shove your perfect love life in my face I'd probably be a lot happier for you.”

“Donghae came over.”

“What of it?”

“Did you guys...you know?”

Kyuhyun scoffed, “You would've noticed if we did.” 

“So, are you guys friends or what?”

“I’m doing what you told me to do. Testing the waters.”

Siwon gave him a smile, “I’m really glad to hear it, Kyu.”

“Shove it, Siwon- what are you doing?!” 

Siwon had laid himself on Kyuhyun’s small body, his arms and legs wrapping around him. Kyuhyun’s face turned red hot when he felt his groin press against his ass. When it happened again, he let out a little whine.

“What was that?” Siwon laughed.

“That was the sound of me suffocating you beast!” Kyuhyun lied, trying to free himself from his grip, “Get off of me!” 

“I thought you loved it when I was on top?” He added jokingly. Kyuhyun felt his breathing on his neck and his lips near his ear. Kyuhyun had to hold his breath and ignore the tightness in his jeans. 

“Siwon get off me, seriously, I'm not kidding.” 

Siwon made a fart noise with his mouth before kissing his ear, “You’re no fun.”

“I’m telling your girlfriend you're flirting with me!” 

Siwon raised his hands up and faked his fear before getting up and walking out the door, “Goodnight!”

Kyuhyun grumbled and turned to his side. He wasn't fully erect, so he knew that he could do one of two things.

Ignore it and go to sleep or pay attention to it.

Not wanting to risk any of the noises that came from his mouth, he decided to cross his arms and fall asleep. 

It was a terrible mistake. Kyuhyun only had dreams, explicit ones of him and Siwon exchanging hot kisses and passionate love making sessions. The worse part of it all was that he felt it, he felt Siwon slamming into him, he felt the hot breath on his neck he felt earlier, he felt the sweat forming on his face and he felt himself tightening around Siwon. When he woke up in the middle of night all sticky, Kyuhyun could only rub his eyes and wonder where the hell he went wrong. 

Falling in love with Siwon was not an option. 

Falling in love with Donghae, however, was an option. If there was someway to fake his feelings until he actually gathered some real ones for Donghae he would be in the clear.

Hopefully.


	7. Chapter Seven

The cold, winter weather was slowly creeping in.

Now, in the middle of November, Kyuhyun’s situation only got progressively worse. 

While trying to push away the emotions he had for Siwon, he realized that he actually had genuine feelings for Donghae and the longer he was with him, the more he felt them. Unfortunately, whatever Donghae tried or ended up doing, nothing seemed to compare to Siwon. Siwon’s relationship with Hei-Ran prospered immensely and it was obvious that he was truly in love with her. Some nights, when Hei-Ran and Siwon would spend the night having passionate, steamy sex, Kyuhyun would leave the apartment and spend the night over at Donghae’s apartment, who always welcomed him with open arms. Despite the Siwon’s happiness and Donghae’s happiness, Kyuhyun was the only one who remained truly unsatisfied. 

One night, Kyuhyun heard the rapid sound of the headboard hitting the wall while he was laying in bed with Donghae. It made him physically sick and the only way to make himself feel better was to curl closer to Donghae’s side. Sure, his arms were warm and they were strong but at what cost? Compared to Siwon--and as much as he hated to admit it--Donghae would always be second best. 

“Hae?" He whispered, tugging at his shirt, "Wake up..."

It took Donghae a minute to open his eyes, when he did, his arms around Kyuhyun tightened. "What is it, Kyu?"

He debated what he was going to say. He took a deep breath and smiled widely at him before saying, "I love you."

Donghae seemed to be fully awake and smiled, Kyuhyun had never seen Donghae so happy before. 

"I love you too. Come here,” Donghae pulled him closer, “those two are being a little loud huh?"

Kyuhyun nodded and snuggled in his arms, "They really are." 

Even after Donghae fell asleep minutes after, Kyuhyun stayed awake with the guilt sitting in his stomach. 

He told Donghae he loved him, out of spite and anger that Siwon chose to love someone else. Kyuhyun frowned and began to question if he really loved Siwon anyway. Donghae treated him well, and he seemed to love him, while Siwon spent most of his time with his stupid girlfriend and only said hi and bye to him. 

Kyuhyun was getting impatient. Kyuhyun was getting frustrated. In desperation, Kyuhyun does whatever he can to avoid Siwon. When Siwon comes home from wherever he was, Kyuhyun would be the first to leave. Soon, the playful, comfortable atmosphere was gone and it was replaced by tension. But with Siwon being too busy with his girlfriend, he hardly even noticed.

Then, Kyuhyun got the opportunity of a life time. 

“What’s that?” Donghae asked, looking at the piece of paper in Kyuhyun’s hands.

There was a smile on his face as he showed Donghae what it said. Donghae raised an eyebrow and read the paper through, a smile on his face, “America?” 

“Isn't it great?!” Kyuhyun beamed, “I get to study in America for the next two years!”

“I’m really happy for you, Kyu.” Donghae smiled, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

Kyuhyun noticed his disappointment and sat on his lap, kissing him gently, “Come with me.”

“You and I both know that’s not the best idea.”

“Why not?”

“Have you heard my English?” He laughed. 

Kyuhyun smiled and kissed him again. “It’s probably not that bad.”

“You want to bet?” Donghae caressed his cheeks, “When are you leaving?”

“January tenth.”

“That’s pretty close.”

“We've got two months.” Kyuhyun pushed hair out of his face, “We've got plenty of time.”

“You think?”

“I know.” 

Kyuhyun hadn’t told Siwon about the trip at all. He had to admit, he was a little sad that they couldn't share things the way they used to, but he had Donghae now, and he filled the void almost just as well.

_Almost._


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short chapter oopsie

As the weeks passed by, Kyuhyun and Donghae seemed to get closer by the second. They seemed joined to the hip and Siwon couldn't feel any happier for his best friend. He and Siwon were finally in a good place in life, he overheard Kyuhyun talking about how his grades have improved and how his social life was improving. Siwon was glad that he wasn't such an anti-social kid anymore, considering that’s how he’s always been, always clinging to Siwon’s side at parties and not wanting to branch out to talk to anyone. Though he missed it sometimes, he was happy that he was finally putting himself out there. 

But as Kyuhyun’s life grew, Siwon noticed his life shrink. He didn't go out as much considering all the time he spent with Hei-Ran and he rarely had the time to talk to Kyuhyun anymore. He was usually at her apartment or with her own friends, who he really didn't bother making friends with. Sometimes, when sitting in a bar with Hei-Ran’s giggling friends, he wondered what Kyuhyun was doing, he wondered if he was having more fun than he was. He would sigh and stare at his drink as he heard the others giggling about gossip. He would much rather be at home. 

Occasionally, there were arguments about how miserable Siwon looked and how unhappy he was. Though he argued that he wasn't, sometimes he felt like he was. He loved Hei-Ran, he really did, but sometimes, he wanted to do his own thing. He wanted to go out with his _own_ friends, who shared interests with him. He didn't want to hang out with people who spent most of their time gossiping about other people. He remembered one day, Hei-Ran was really upset with him, and she refused to speak with him for days. That was the first time he had time and the space to talk to the friends he had been avoiding for so long. 

Kyuhyun and Siwon made idle chit chat, talking about the weather, their classes and whatever else came to mind. It was clear that the conversations were one sided, but Siwon continued talking anyway. Siwon asked if Kyuhyun was doing anything interesting soon, Kyuhyun only shook his head and said, “Not really.” 

Siwon grimaced at the response and tapped his fingers on the table, “Nothing else? Really?”

“I mean, nothing is really noteworthy.” Kyuhyun said, slurping his cereal, “It’s just school, homework, occasional Donghae, eat, then sleep.”

“Really?”

Kyuhyun shrugged, “Mostly.”

“Are you happy Kyuhyunah?”

He laughed, “What are you trying to be? My therapist? I’m happy, I have tons of sex and as a bonus, someone who loves me. Are you asking me if I'm happy to make you feel better about your love life?” 

“I'm happy.” Siwon defended.

Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, “Are you? When’s the last time you spoke to Hei-Ran?”

“I don't have to see her everyday to make me happy.”

“Then why do you see her everyday, Siwon?” Kyuhyun asked, his face full of curiosity. 

Siwon blinked as he tried to provide an answer, but all his answers were blank and pointless. Kyuhyun sighed and stood up to put his bowl in his sink. 

“Think about that for a while, I've got to get going.”

“Where are you going?”

“Shopping.”

“For?”

Kyuhyun scoffed and wrapped a scarf around his neck, “Why do you care? I think you should be more concerned over the fact that Hei-Ran hasn't talked to you yet.”

Siwon watched as he left and closed the door behind him. What was his problem?


	9. Chapter Nine

Kyuhyun met Donghae at the shops, walking around as they bought things to prepare for his trip one by one. They looked at suitcases, clothing and even food.

“Do you think they have choco pies in America?” He asked, eyeing a box.

“Probably.”

“I think...I think I should take some just in case.”

Donghae snorted and took the box from his hands, “You and I both know that these will be long gone before January.” 

“How am I going to eat forty pies in one month, Donghae?”

“I'm pretty sure you're capable of eating one hundred in a month.”

“That was offensive.”

“That was the truth.” He smiled, putting an arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulder and kissing his head. 

“The more we walk around the city the less I want to leave.” Kyuhyun pouted, leaning his head against his shoulder.

“When will you have another opportunity to go America?”

“I'm sure there will be several opportunities.”

“You’re not chickening out, are you?”

“I might be.”

“It’ll be fun, you’ll get to see Americans and see blonde hair that isn't dyed.”

Kyuhyun laughed and swung the bags, “What else do you think I’ll see?’

“A lot of obesity probably.” He smiled, making Kyuhyun laugh harder.

As they walked, they passed a jewelry store and saw that Siwon was inside. Kyuhyun frowned and pulled Donghae faster.

“Hey wasn't that-?”

“Shh!”

“Why are you pushing me? Don't we want to say hi to Siwon?”

“Not when I have all of this.”

“What’s wrong with it? It’s just a suitcase.”

“I don't want him to question it.”

“Why would he question it? He knows that you’re...” Kyuhyun gave him a look that made Donghae sigh, “Oh Kyuhyun, you didn't tell him?”

“I might’ve forgotten.” 

“When are you planning to tell him? The day you leave?”

“Maybe not the day of, maybe the day before or-”

“That’s a terrible idea!”

“I don't want to tell him!”

"And why not?”

“Because he'll say something stupid that'll make me stay.”

“Like what? That he’s pregnant?” Donghae scoffed.

“I’m not kidding! He’ll probably confess his love for me or something.”

“Why would he do that? He’s dating Hei-Ran.”

“He’d probably propose to me to make me stay.”

“You think?”

“Probably.”

“Kyu, you have to tell Siwon.”

“I will.”

“Allow me to elaborate, you have to tell Siwon _today._ ” 

Kyuhyun made a face, “I don’t think I have to tell him today. I can tell him next week.” 

“Wouldn't you want Siwon to tell you that he was leaving for America?” 

“Yeah, but I wouldn't care if he didn't decide to tell me.”

Donghae rolled his eyes, “That’s a lie, Kyuhyunah.”

“So what?” 

“If you want, I’ll be there when you tell him.”

“I think I’d rather tell him by myself so that he doesn’t get mad at you too.”

“Me? Why would he get mad at me?” 

“Because you’re his friend too, and you didn’t tell him.”

“I didn’t know he didn’t know until just now!” 

“Whatever. I’ll tell him today, I promise.” 

“Good.” Donghae smiled, leaning in to kiss him, “I say we get something to eat, sound good?” 

“Sounds good.”

\\\

Kyuhyun decided to leave the suitcase in Donghae’s apartment to avoid any speculation until he gathered the courage to tell him. He waited in the living room with the paper in hands and stared at the clock. Two hours passed by and Siwon hasn’t come home. With a sigh, Kyuhyun realized that he wouldn’t be coming home anytime soon. 

“Of fucking course.” He grumbled, “I forgot about him and his damned girlfriend-”

Suddenly, the door opened and Hei-Ran and Siwon walked inside, smiling as if the argument they had a few days ago never happened. 

“Oh hey, Kyu!” Siwon smiled, “I thought you were with Donghae still?” 

“Nope. I’ve been here for a while now.” 

“Ah. Hei-Ran could you keep Kyuhyunah company while I go get ready?”

She nodded and smiled, “Of course.” 

Hei-Ran sat next to Kyuhyun and gave him a polite smile, “So, what’s that?”

“This?” He asked, lifting the paper up, “Nothing. Shopping list.”

“Ahh.”

“So what are you and Siwon Hyung doing?”

“We’re going to out for dinner. It feels like ages since we’ve done so.”

Kyuhyun had to refrain from rolling his eyes. “That’s nice. I hope you two have fun.” 

An awkward silence dawned upon them and Kyuhyun tapped his foot impatiently. 

“So, how long have you and Siwon been friends?”

“Seven years more or less.”

“That’s a long time, isn’t it?”

“You could say so.” 

“How long have you known your boyfriend?”

Kyuhyun had to bite his tongue to stop a snarky remark. Siwon told her to keep him company, not to interrogate him, “A year.” 

“Siwon told me he’s your first boyfriend.”

“He is.”

“What’s that like?”

“Fine. Normal.” He made sure he put emphasis on the normal. 

“So, it doesn’t feel weird to you?”

“What do you mean weird?” Kyuhyun snipped, his eyes showing annoyance. “Are you implying that I’m weird?” 

“Oh! Not at all! I’m sorry I didn’t mean-”

The doorbell interrupted Hei-Ran’s ramblings. Siwon walked out from the bathroom but Kyuhyun was the first to get up and answer it. It wasn’t anyone other than Donghae and when he saw the look his boyfriend had on his face, he showed concern.

“You okay?” 

Kyuhyun leaned in to kiss Donghae before pulling away and whispering, “Don’t make eye contact with the tramp.”

“Alright?” He said, still confused as he let Kyuhyun pull him in the bedroom. 

Once the door was closed, he watched Kyuhyun throw the crumpled paper on the desk and cross his arms. Donghae sat on his bed and watched as he walked back and forth, obviously fuming. Donghae wanted to open his mouth to say something, but every time he did, Kyuhyun held up a finger. 

“Kyu..what’s wrong?”

“That...that-” Kyuhyun took a deep breath before he continued, “Her. That _thing_ sitting on my couch!”

“Is it really your couch?” Donghae asked, attempting to be humorous, but the glare Kyuhyun gave him made him take back his words, “Sorry.”

“Distract me.”

Donghae looked hesitant, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

Kyuhyun’s anger quickly turned to frustrated tears. Donghae looked at him in disbelief, “Are you seriously crying?”

“Fuck off.” He sniffled, hiding his face in his hands. 

“Jesus, Kyuhyun, what did she do that made you cry?”

_What didn’t she do?!_ Was what he wanted to say, _she ruined everything!_ Instead, he shook his head and sat on the bed next to Donghae and shoved his face into his shoulder. 

Donghae frowned and hugged him anyway, rocking him back and forth in attempt to comfort him. 

“Please Hae?” Kyuhyun pleaded, “Just one distraction? I won’t ask for one ever again.” 

Donghae sighed and looked in his teary eyes before kissing him. 

\\\

Hei-Ran walked into Siwon’s room and laid on his bed and let out a sigh. Siwon raised an eyebrow and turned around, “What’s wrong?”

“I think I made Kyuhyun hate me.”

“What? How?”

“I accidentally called him weird for being gay.” She groaned, hiding her face in his pillows.

“Oh no.”

“What?”

“You, my dear, have made a grave mistake.”

“Have I really?”

He nodded as he buttoned up his shirt, “Kyuhyun doesn’t take kindly to a lot of people. He’s a venomous little brat. I love him to death but that’s what he is.”

“Meaning he holds grudges?”

“Big time.”

“Oh man.” Hei-Ran ran her fingers through her hair, “What can I do?”

“At this point, nothing. Kyuhyun hates apologies.”

“What if I meant it?”

“There’s nothing he hates more than that.” Siwon laughed.

“Why are you laughing?!” She whined.

“You shouldn’t be worried about what he thinks about you.”

“I want him to like me.”

"Kyuhyunah hates everyone."

"I want him to at least be my friend."

“No you don’t.”

“What?”

“I’ve been his friend for years and he treats me worse than if we were strangers.”

“You’re serious?”

He nodded, “You’re lucky. At least he’ll pretend to like you.” 

Hei-Ran’s frown remained on her face as Siwon smiled to kiss her forehead. 

“Let’s get going, Donghae is over and I don’t think they’ll waste any time in doing what they do best.”

“They’ve already started. Kyuhyun is a lot more vocal than I thought.”

Siwon laughed and led her out of the door. “I said the same thing.”

The couple walked their way out of the apartment, trying to tune out Kyuhyun’s loud moans. Just as they reached Siwon’s car, he patted his pockets and groaned when he realized he forgot his phone and keys. 

“Just a second, I forgot my keys.”

“Really, Siwon?” 

He only smiled and walked back up to the apartment. He was relieved to hear a quiet apartment, quickly, he began looking for his keys and walked over to the table to grab them.

_“I love you.”_ Siwon heard Kyuhyun say. 

That was a shock to him, Kyuhyun rarely said he loved anyone. The last time he heard Kyuhyun say it was when he was in his first year of high school and he was talking about the cat he received for Christmas. Of course, Siwon said it all the time but just to hear Kyuhyun say it to someone else made him feel envious. 

_“I love you too.”_ Donghae said back. 

Then again, it was a lot different to say I love you to a significant other rather than a best friend. Still, Siwon wished he’d say it back, even if he was joking. Siwon put the keys in his coat pocket and made it outside into the cold air. 

“That took a little longer than expected.” Hei-Ran smiled, getting inside the cold car.

“Yeah. Sorry about that.” Siwon apologized, absentmindedly turning on the car and driving to their destination.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been updating a lot of things instead of doing my essays AHAH
> 
> I need to reevaluate my life
> 
> Anyway, enjoy my personal favorite chapter

The week before Christmas vacation, Donghae suggested that they should all have a dinner. Siwon thought it was a good idea and as did the others. Kyuhyun agreed on one condition, that Hei-Ran would not come along. They all agreed and Siwon was suddenly not so excited to see her anymore. 

On that night, Heechul, Hyuk-Jae, Jungsoo, Donghae, Kyuhyun, and Siwon sat around table, eating, drinking and laughing at stupid stories that Heechul told. Siwon was a little bit over drunk and was giggling over everything that Heechul said while Kyuhyun sipped his wine slowly. 

“Siwon is an ugly drunk.” Donghae whispered in Kyuhyun’s ear. 

Kyuhyun laughed and felt a foot kick him under the table. He looked to see Jungsoo was scolding him and shaking his finger.

“Didn't your mother teach you manners?! You shouldn't be speaking dirty things at the table?”

“You want to hear dirty, Hyung?” Kyuhyun grinned. 

“I will call your mother!” 

“When are we getting our presents?” Hyuk-Jae whined, poking at his food, “I spent my November paycheck for these presents and I want to know what these two rich boys got us.”

“What did you get us, Siwonah?” Jungsoo asked, his eyes full of excitement. 

“That’s a secret until we all exchange gifts.” He smiled, taking another sip of his wine. Kyuhyun made a face and took his cup away from him, making Siwon pout at him. 

“The last thing you need is alcohol.” Kyuhyun said, knowing that he didn't want to see a drunk angry Siwon when he told him about America. 

He hoped he didn’t get violent. 

Or worse, what if Siwon _cried?_

“Good evening.” A feminine voice said, Kyuhyun cringed and felt Donghae rub his tense muscles.

“Be nice.” He said in Kyuhyun’s ear. 

Siwon’s eyes brightened as he scooted in the booth to make room for Hei-Ran. They shared a kiss that made Kyuhyun want to vomit.

“What are you doing here?” Siwon smiled. 

“I bought gifts for everyone and since I’m going to be leaving to go back home for the holidays soon, I wanted to give them to you all.”

“Even us?!” Heechul asked, an excited grin on his face. “Siwonah, you don't really love her right?”

Siwon gave him a dirty look as Hei-Ran searched in the bag to distribute the gifts. They all thanked her and opened their presents in front of her, too anxious to wait. 

“Merry Christmas, Kyuhyunah.” Hei-Ran smiled, handing him a box that was wrapped better than the others. 

Kyuhyun gave her a smile full of plastic and took the box before putting it in front of him. He then proceeded to wipe his hand on his napkin and throw it to the side. Donghae sighed and couldn't do much but smile at Hei-Ran, who was obviously hurt. The rest of the night took a turn for the worst, the look on Kyuhyun’s face was full of annoyance and every time Hei-Ran opened her mouth to speak, he would let out the loudest sigh and sip his wine.

“Kyuhyun stop.” Donghae said sternly in his ear. 

“Why should I?” He asked, loud enough for the others to stop speaking and to look at him. “I wasn't the one who came to over to a dinner party they weren't even invited to.” 

It was quiet now. The happy, jolly, Christmas atmosphere was long gone. 

Heechul quickly tried to change the subject but Siwon was too angry to let it pass. 

“What is your problem, Kyuhyun?” Siwon asked.

Kyuhyun looked around in fake shock, “I wasn't aware I had one until now. Mind telling me what it is?”

“Kyu.” Donghae warned. 

“No, I want him to tell me what my problem is.”

“Hei-Ran’s been nothing but good to you and you still treat like her shit.”

“That’s it?” Kyuhyun snorted, “I thought it was something more serious.”

“Are you jealous, Kyuhyun?” 

“Me?” He laughed, “What the hell have I got to be jealous for?”

“That I’m with Hei-Ran and not _you._ ” He seethed. 

That struck a match. Kyuhyun’s hands turned into fist and Donghae tried to calm Kyuhyun down. He stood up and spilled his red wine on his shirt and then continued to flip the plate of food on to his lap. 

“Don't be so fucking quick to think everyone is in love with you, Choi Siwon!” Kyuhyun yelled. At this point, the whole restaurant was watching, “You self centered piece of shit. Go fuck yourself and have a Merry Christmas.” 

Kyuhyun stormed out after that, Donghae following him out. 

“I think I should go…” Hei-Ran said quietly.

Siwon quickly grabbed her arm, “You don't have to-”

Hei-Ran only smiled and removed his hand from her arm.

Now, only the four remained and the silence was crushing them.

“More wine?” Hyuk-Jae asked the others.

“Fill it up.” Heechul ordered, holding out his glass. 

“Me too.” Jungsoo said, holding out his as well. 

Siwon only stared at the ceiling in anger.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Kyuhyun had spent the next week in Donghae’s apartment. He even considered living here until it was time for him to leave for America (which he still hadn't told Siwon about yet). He was still in shock from what Siwon told him and because of that, it made Donghae question it as well. 

“Kyu?”

“Mm?”

“Do you have feelings for him?”

Kyuhyun shook his head, “Not at all.”

It had gotten to the point where he didn't even want to hear his name. Kyuhyun had convinced himself that he hated Siwon and that his feelings for him were based off of pure lust. Kyuhyun ignored his calls, he ignored his messages and deleted his emails, it was almost as if Choi Siwon didn't exist, and Kyuhyun couldn't have been happier. 

That was until Siwon decided to come over to Donghae’s apartment. 

Kyuhyun walked out of the room he shared with Donghae and saw that Siwon was sitting on the couch. That’s when he made a complete 360 and walked back to the room. 

“Kyuhyun…” Siwon sighed. 

“Donghae, there’s a cockroach in your apartment.” Kyuhyun yelled, closing the bedroom door and locking the door.

“That wasn't funny, Kyuhyun.” Donghae yelled back from the kitchen. 

“Kyuhyun, I’m sorry.” Siwon said behind the door

“Shove it up your ass, pretty boy.” 

“I shouldn't have said what I said.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“I want you to know that I'm sorry, really.” 

“I know you are. I'm just not accepting your apology.”

“What will it take for you to open the door?”

“You have to leave.”

“I should've expected that one.”

Kyuhyun smiled and leaned his head against the door, “Are you leaving yet?” 

“No.”

“If I forgive you will you leave?”

“Yes.”

“Get ready to spend the rest of your life outside this door, Choi Siwon.”

He groaned and heard him slump on the floor, “Seriously, Kyuhyun?”

“You've got to be out of your damn right mind if you think groveling to me will make me forgive you.”

“What will?”

“Didn't I already tell you I'm not going to?” 

“I’ll kiss your feet.”

“Get the fuck away from me, you foot fetish freak.”

“If you opened the door I’d probably apologize to you properly.”

“I don't want you to. What part of that don’t you understand?” Kyuhyun was getting annoyed, “You piss me off all the time, Siwon. But that time you took it way too far.”

“To be fair, you-”

“And now you're correcting me!” Kyuhyun yelled, turning to face the white door, “If you wanted to spare your fucking girlfriend you should’ve emphasized that she wasn't allowed!”

“How old are you, Kyuhyun? Did you want to make a sign that said no girls allowed or something?”

Kyuhyun crossed his arms and ignored him. He heard Siwon sigh angrily and get up from the floor, “Whatever. Do what you want. You always do.”

“You’re damn right.” Kyuhyun replied. 

After the front door slammed, Kyuhyun emerged from the bedroom to see that Donghae was giving him a look of disapproval. 

“What?”

“That could've gone a lot better, Kyuhyun.” 

“He shouldn't have wasted his time.”

“He did because he cares.”

“Yeah well, I don’t.” Kyuhyun replied sourly, falling back on the couch and flipping through the channels.


	12. Chapter Twelve

The grudge between Siwon and Kyuhyun continued on until the week Kyuhyun was supposed to leave for America. The Monday of, Donghae and Kyuhyun drove back to the apartment he and Siwon had shared and took out the suitcase Kyuhyun had been hiding in Donghae’s apartment all this time. 

“Kyuhyun.”

“Ne?” 

“You still haven’t told Siwon, haven’t you?”

Kyuhyun shook his head and walked up the stairs to his apartment, “Nope.”

“What are you going to say when he asks you about it?”

“I’m going to tell him.”

“This late?”

“Better late than never.” Kyuhyun said, “Plus, why should he care anyway?” 

Donghae sighed and pecked his lips, “Please don't make another scene.”

Kyuhyun smiled and returned his kiss, “No promises, goodnight.”

“Goodnight. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He replied, giving him one last kiss before walking inside the apartment. It was quiet and Siwon was in his corner, scribbling something in his notebook. Kyuhyun said nothing as he took off his shoes and walked to his room, dragging the suitcase behind him, making sure it was known that it was behind him. 

Siwon’s heart sank to his feet when he saw the suitcase and he immediately got up from chair to see that Kyuhyun was beginning to pack his things in the suitcase he bought. 

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Leaving. Duh.”

“Where? Are you living with Donghae now?”

“Nope.”

“Then where?”

Kyuhyun walked over to his desk and threw the crumpled piece of paper into Siwon’s hands. He opened it up and read it. 

“Harvard University? The one in America?” He read out loud, looking over at Kyuhyun in disbelief.

“Do you know another one?” 

“It says...it says you have to be there this Thursday.”

“Also correct.”

“How long have you known about this?”

“Read the date at the top.” Kyuhyun said, going over to his closet and reaching for the other suitcase.

“November tenth?” 

“You’re really good at reading, aren't you?”

“Why didn't you tell me?” 

“You were too busy with your perfect, does-nothing-wrong, Hei-Ran.”

“Does Donghae know?”

“He was here when I opened it.”

Siwon was hurt, as Kyuhyun walked over to get his things from the bathroom, Siwon grabbed his arm. “You can’t go.”

“Says who?” He snapped, snatching his arm and walking to the bathroom to pack his toothpaste and toothbrush in a little plastic bag. “You’re not my mother. You’re not my father and you're certainly not my boyfriend. Speaking of which, my boyfriend and parents _want_ me to go, so as far as I’m concerned, your opinion doesn't matter.”

“Kyu, you've got to think this through-”

“I did think it through!” Kyuhyun yelled, “You were too thick headed to see that you were the one keeping me here. Then, what you said at the dinner convinced me to leave.” Kyuhyun wiped tears away from his face, “What you said was right, I was mad. I was angry at myself for loving you and I was even angrier when you found Hei-Ran. Then, out of spite, I slept with Donghae, I slept with him and thought I'd date him just to get over you. But now look at me, I've made it worse because I'm in love with Donghae too.” 

Siwon’s hands twitched to comfort him, but he kept them to his side and continued to hear Kyuhyun out. 

“Now I don't even know what I feel for you anymore.” He sniffled, “I don’t...I don't know if I'm in love with you still. All I know is that I want to get as far away from you as possible and probably never see you again. Maybe I'll marry Donghae in America where it’s legal, maybe we'll adopt a kid and think about you once in a while. Maybe you’ll do the same, I don't know, and frankly, I really don’t care anymore.”

Kyuhyun waited for him to say something but after staring at him with tear stained eyes, he shook his head and walked back to his room to continue packing. Siwon suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him towards him, smashing his lips on Kyuhyun’s. 

He felt tears fall down his cheeks as he kissed him back, feeling Siwon press him down on the couch and kissed his tears away.

“I’m sorry.” Siwon whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

Kyuhyun’s breathing skipped as he wrapped his arms around Siwon’s neck and returned the kisses he gave. 

 

 

When they finished, Kyuhyun laid on top of a naked Siwon with the same feeling he had when he first slept with Donghae. 

Regret that ran deeper than any vein in his body.


	13. Chapter 13

Siwon woke the next morning cold and by himself. Instead of Kyuhyun on top of him, there was a blanket and a piece of paper folded nicely on the table. He took it in his hands and unfolded it. 

_You and I both knew this wasn't going to work._

_It’s been fun, Siwon._

_I love you._

“No.” Siwon panicked and threw the blanket off of him, “No no no, he couldn't have gone yet.” 

He quickly pulled on his pants and the rest of his clothing before running out the door with his coat half on. He saw Hei-Ran walked towards him but he ignored her and made it in his car. 

That’s when the chase began, to make sure Kyuhyun knew how he felt before he left for America. 

\\\

“You've got everything?” Donghae asked, “Those choco pies are in your carry on right?”

Kyuhyun smiled and nodded, “You know it.”

“Good.” Donghae laughed and leaned in to kiss him, “This is as far as I go. It’s way too crowded for me to go in.”

“I’ll miss you, Hae.”

“Me too.” He pulled him into a tight embrace before kissing him, “I love you. Call me when you get there, okay?” 

“I will. I promise. Donghae?” 

“Yeah?”

“I love you, a lot.” Kyuhyun was starting to cry again, “You know that right?”

“Of course I do.” He smiled, kissing him again. “Go or you'll miss your flight.” 

One last kiss before he left into the crowded airport. 

\\\

As Siwon drove through the crowded streets and panicked when he saw Donghae zoom past him. His throat tightened and he beeped at the others, recklessly driving into the exit. 

“Just wait two minutes, Kyu.” He begged. 

\\\

The line to get his passport checked was incredibly long. Once he finally got his passport stamped, he followed the crowd of people.

_“Kyuhyunah!”_ He heard someone yell. 

He knew that voice. 

_“Kyuhyun wait!”_

Kyuhyun felt tears fall down his cheek as he ignored him. “Keep walking.” He told himself, “Don't look back.” 

_“Sir, you are not allowed passed this point.”_

_“Please, just let me through! I need to talk to him.”_

_“You’re not allowed to go past this point unless you have a flight to catch.”_

_“I’ll buy a ticket later! Let me through! ”_ He heard Siwon beg. **“Kyuhyunah!”**

 

Kyuhyun made the mistake of turning to see Siwon being dragged away by the security, his eyes full of tears just like Kyuhyun’s. It pained him to turn his back on him. It hurt him even more to board the plane without a single word towards Siwon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we've finally hit the end, haven't we? 
> 
> It took way too long to reach that, mainly because I was lazy _I mean doing schoolwork_ that couldn't update as often. 
> 
> Which leaves the question; 
> 
> Sequel?
> 
> Most likely
> 
> And probably
> 
> **not**


End file.
